Can't Does Not Belong In Pole!

So, there is a debate that is going on in the pole community about sex workers and pole competitions.

What is happening is that there are competitions telling people that are strippers or people that have worked in adult films or along that line that they can not compete in their competitions. 

Well, this is my take on it.

When I started pole dancing, there was a word that was really discouraged from saying, if not removed from using in the studio at all. The word was " can't ". I was not aloud to say "I can't..." whenever a new trick or move was being taught. I always gave it a try, and if I had troubles with it, we modify it. But " can't " was never an option. That didn't go for just my studio, but in any workshops that I took, weather at another studio or Pole Expo or wherever. Every instructor I had did not like to hear that word.

That was something that I like about being in pole, they push me. They told me "I can".

Now there is a small group of people that are stating to use that bad word. They are telling people "you can't". You can't be in our competition, you are not welcome. We don't approve of you. If you have been in an adult film, if you are a stripper, you can't compete, you can't perform. That ugly word is rearing it's head. It should not matter if someone's job falls under the sex worker category, if they want to pole and put their heart and soul into a competition piece, let them. They should not be told they can't. They should not be told no to their passion.

And here is the thing about the word 'can't', it's a seed, a bad seed. As it grows, it builds a thorny barrier. It starts to grow discouragement. It grows resentment and negativity. It grows into the foundation of unity, cracking it, making it crumble. It will divide and weaken. It will destroy.

So, simply put, there are two sides here. Those who say you 'can' and those that want to say you ' can't '. One side for unity and one side for division. What side would you want to be on?

As for me, I am tired of hearing the word 'can't' thrown my way.

My Pole Community....

Why did I fall in love with pole? It was the pole community, just that plain and simple.

It is almost four years now since I first walked thru the doors of Twirly Girls Pole Fitness and took my first pole dancing class. I had no idea what to really expect and I was totally stepping out of my comfort zone. But, it was that day that I found a new group of amazing people and a continuing growing group of friends in this amazing community.

What I loved about this community was that it was so accepting. Here I was a somewhat over weight, awkwardly shy guy and none of that mattered to anyone. If I was there to learn pole, that was all that mattered. As time went by, their simple acceptance actually boosts my confidence. As my confidence grew, I put myself out there more in the pole community. And it just seemed to grow from there.

Now, here is something that really amazed me. I went to my first Pole Expo in Las Vegas sometime in my second year of poling. It was kind of a last minute decision. Here I was with pole dancers from across the country and around the world and I still felt the same. This same acceptance that I felt from my pole studio, I was getting it from these complete strangers. That feels pretty amazing!

Pole Expo also was a hub of who’s who in the pole industry. The pros, there to perform and instruct. The pole business, clothing, poles, grip aids and everything else pole related. I got to meet so many of them! I am lucky that I have an awesome friend that had already worked hard at making a lot of these great connections. But I can say, it was great to feel this since of respect that came from all of these people when I met them! I felt it with the Bad Kitty owners, Jack and Trisha, or Joel at Mighty Grip. Or when Josiah Grant gave me my stage name and when Zoraya Judd was helping me invert in her workshop. Even getting to sit down with Suwasit and have lunch. Best way to describe it, they made me feel like I was someone, the same respect that they gave to the pros, they gave to me and that feels pretty amazing! And each Pole Expo, that experience has continued to grow.

All of this continued, even after Pole Expo. I can’t say how great it feels that I have been able to go to these people for support in my AIDS LifeCycle fundraising I have been doing the last few years. The pole community has helped me raise some major money in the fight against HIV and AIDS, from either monetary donating directly or donating product for the fundraisers.

I guess what I am getting at is that I have always felt that the pole community was every accepting. It didn’t matter where you came from, what you looked like, what abilities or disabilities you had. If you had the heart to pole, they had the heart to help you achieve your goals. It always felt like a group that was always united together and there to help everyone.

It was a group that was united as one family and supported everyone.

I wish it would stay that way. 

Finding Myself In Pole Dancing

I have been trying to write a blog about men in pole dancing, and not having very much luck getting my words to come together. Further below you will see what has taken me over three weeks to come up with. As for right now, I am going to say this. It applies to a lot of things in life.

When you do not allow men that want to pole dance into your studio, you are shutting a door. You’re not just shutting the door on that man; you are shutting it on yourself too. You or your business can not expand behind closed doors.

I have been poling now for two years. It is kind of hard to believe how far I have come. I lived a life where I did not get much exercise and was slowly putting weight on. I do not want to think where I would be weight wise if I did not find pole dancing… better yet, if pole dancing did not find me.  I am now down over 35 pounds, I have greater confidence in myself and I have more strength. Most importantly, I have found a place where I feel I belong, a place I can call home and a group of people I can call family. I have found courage to put myself out there. I was even the Face of Mighty Grip for the month of February. Plus I am a new member of the Pole Dancing Bloggers.  I am happy that I can pole dance.

Now, what if that door was shut on me? I might be sitting on the couch watching a bad horror movie on the SyFi channel, weighing 200 to 225 pounds.  My self confidence would be less, and maybe just following in others ways instead of making my own way.

What about the pole studio? The things I have achieved, those are notches that the studio can boast about. I mean what is greater than being able to say, “Hey, we helped Robert find himself and look how far he has come!" They can say, “The Face of February for Might Grip is one of our students!” How cool is that?

I have had doors shut on me before, it’s not fun. It has you walking away feeling even less of yourself. So, just remember, when you open that door, you will most likely be changing someone’s life and that will change yours!

Ok, here is what I had been working on what seemed like forever.  I was just having too much trouble getting it to come out.

Finding my place in pole… as a man.

When I first started poling, I have to admit that I was a little intimidated. I was walking into what I thought was a woman’s world. I know there were a couple of the ladies that would not have a problem with me in the studio, but not sure about the one that did not know me. I have to say that I was quickly relieved that I was wrong on those thoughts!

I pole at Twirly Girls Pole Fitness in Pleasanton, California. Despite the name, this is a pole studio that allows men and shows them just as much respect as the woman. As a matter of fact, a couple of the instructors are guys.  Everyone there seemed perfectly fine with me in their pole class and quick to welcome me.  As a matter of fact, in my two years of poling, I have not felt any judgment against me from the pole community…

Ugh…. I have been trying to write this blog for several weeks now and I am not getting the words to flow. You would think it would be an easy topic for me to write about, since I am man that pole dances. I think I will just do a quick run through of the thoughts I have been having.

First thing that popped into my head is pole clothing. I have found that most the companies that sell pole clothing really don’t have a lot for men, if they have anything at all. Finding a pole outfit to perform in is near impossible.  I do feel that this is a market that is just waiting to be tapped into in the pole industry. There seems to be more and more men getting into pole dancing and they are going to need a place to spend their money.  I do have to say that I do like dancing in the PoleFit Fold Over Pole Fitness Shorts from Bad Kitty. But like the Capezio dance shorts I also wear, they are also a woman’s cut. I have heard some talk that there are a couple of lines for men that might be coming out, but not sure when. Until then I guess I could always perform in my Andrew Christian Ass-less Underwear and cowboy boots. I wonder who would like to see that.

Another thing I was thinking, how many studios have actually had men sign up and pay to take a pole class just to check out the women? I know I have only been poling for two years, but I have yet to hear about this actually happening.  I know I was in some pain in my first class and left swore and bruised. I am sure that would be a deterrent to any men that just wanted to gawk at the woman.  Also, most women are intuitive enough to know when a man walks through their studio door if he is legit in wanting to learn pole or just a creeper. I guess what I am getting at, is don’t let this be a reason not to allow men into your studio. I am sure, if you run a man through a regular pole work out, he will not come back if he is not really there to pole dance.

Now, here are some photos of this man in pole dancing...

Poling in 2013

What a great year 2014 is going to be! How do I know that? I just look back at what I accomplished and where I was in 2013!

 

Yeah, I have to say that 2013 was a pretty great year. I got to meet some amazing people and see some fantastic performances. The thing is that none of this would ever have happened if not for pole dancing. I have come a long way in 2013 in my pole adventures, especially in the last four months. 

One of the first big events for me was my fund raiser for the AIDS LifeCycle.  I was so amazed by the turn out and the unbelievable support from my fellow performers. Unfortunately, I injured my knee not too long for the bike ride and I was unable to do it. I am gearing up to do it this year and have another fund raiser in the works. 

March, 2013 had me reaching my first year of pole dancing. That made me an ‘OTG!’ an Original Twirly Girl at Twirly Girls Pole Fitness.  I was very proud of that and looking forward to reaching two years.  

I had a great time in 2013, but I have to say, the best part of the year started in September. First, there was Pole Expo in Las Vegas. That was an amazing event for me!

 

 

I got to meet so many amazing and wonderful people!  I took one of Zoraya Judd’s work shops and she had me doing some moves that I had never been able to do and gave a couple of great pole bruises too. I also got to meet and hang out with some of the most amazing performers, like Josiah “BadAzz” Grant, David Owen, and Suwasit Ritthiphon. Oh, and I got to meet Timber Brown, who had just come off of America’s Got Talent. By the way, it was Josiah “BadAzz” that gave me my stage name Cowboy Wild.

 

I also got to meet some other great people in the pole industries while at the expo. Of course there was Fawnia herself.

 

Then there were Trisha and Jack from Bad Kitty. I found some great shorts to pole dance in because of Trisha. I secretly want to be a Bad Kitty model!

 

There were the amazing ladies at Just Pole. They had donated to my AIDS LifeCycle so I had to personally thank them.

 

I also got to meet some amazing photographers, Christopher Donald and Sam Green. I’m still enjoying FaceBook banter with Sam. He has such a positive outlook on life.

I also got to do a photo shoot with Somer Ahonen of LockBox Studios. I never know I looked that good!

 

 

All I know is that I had such a great time at Pole Expo that I am going again this year! Everyone I have meet there has been so supportive! Pole Expo has even donated two passes to my fund raiser on February 1, 2014. Speaking about support from being at Pole Expo, I can’t forget to mention the crew at Mighty Grip! I didn’t get to meet Stephanie Brinlee, from Mighty Grip while at the last expo, but I am sure we have a date at the next one! She has been a great FaceBook friend and can’t wait to meet her in person! 

 

The other big thing for me in the last part of 2014 was meeting AJ. I started taking one of his classes at Twirly Girls Pole Fitness just a couple months ago. With him pushing my boundaries and body, I have come a long way in pole dancing. His encouragement and support is amazing and I am glad he doesn’t let me get away with me saying “I can’t do that.” 

 

Finally, while all that was happening in 2013, I continued to have a blast with the Viking Warrior, Lori, in her Boys, Girls and Twirls class. The place and person that got me started on this great adventure in Pole Dancing!

 

 

So, as you can see, 2013 has been a pretty amazing year for me. Now, lets get going and make 2014 even better!